christmas poo
I have this head cold, see. It's unusual, I've never had one like this, but like all head colds it's extremely annoying! I'll feel on the verge of a sneeze, complete with facial twitches and watering eyes. No matter how often I blow my nose or hold my sinus closed by pressing on the bridge of my nose, it wouldn't go away! I've been powering on the garlic, the coldfx, the assorted vitamins, etc., but got ill nonetheless! Last week it was my back. I had cramps from my shoulders to my forehead, the kind of headache, neck ache, and back ache, that I got the time I had meningitis for 24 hours, about 16 years ago. I suffered that experience alone, there was nobody to say 'hey, lets get you to ER" so I didn't go till I was feeling a lot better. At that point, there was nothing to see and I was dismissed by the doctor. I was at a walk-in clinic, not ER. But I remember how that pain felt and this week, especially when it deepened to include my lower back, that's what it felt like! I was powering the garlic, the coldfx, healthy foods, etc. trying to bring up my blood cells and drive away infection and then saturday morning my back was better and my nose was out of control. I used the neti pot but it wasn't really stopping the irritation. So I thought, hey, viruses can't stand it if you drink enough alcohol and I got out the whiskey and started bingeing. Get your blood alcohol high enough and you can kill virii. It worked, damped that tickle completely! I was able to go to the stores with Dan and finish shopping before the tickle returned. A little more booze and it went away and I was able to go all evening without it. I thought it was gone. This morning it's back, and a shot of whiskey again made it flee where the netipot was failing.
Here's where we get to the weird part. Right about bedtime my bag started filling up. My poop bag. For you, this would have been "riding the porcelain pony" but for me it meant laying in bed listening close and reaching down to check, since I can't feel it happening very well. Full bag means get to the toilet. At one point it was only a little bit but I felt a lot of gurgling and no sooner did I get on the ladder down from my loft when I felt a splork and the bag just inflated! It was heavy and sloppy and trying to get under the adhesive and exit along my skin where I most assuredly don't want it exiting. I finally realized about 5:30 am that this was the new face of diarrhea and I could take a pill for it, and have pills, so I finally got about 4 hours of sleep after that. I'm still learning this new way of pooping. I don't have the rectum communicating with my brain anymore, just the colon to the bag and it's signs are subtle and ones I used to ignore. It's also a bit of a piss-off that the bag can't hold more at times like that, but since I use a liner to keep things cleaner and it's the largest size available, I'm kind of stuck. The bags are too expensive to toss every time there's dirt. They make ones with a flap to empty via but I found that it was impossible to keep it clean and I was utterly disgusted by the process. With these liners, I take out the liner and hey presto, it's all clean except for the bit around where the stoma sits. That's wiped with flushable wipes and I'm clean, if not sanitary, and with the bag on, as good as sanitary. Probably is sanitary, I dunno. It's not smelly or discolored so that's enough for me and I wash my hands. I wonder if I hate it more than most ostomates, or is this deep furious hatred normal the first year? I feel cheated, bereft, offended and victimized. I know I have to come to terms, to resolve my feelings and accept the change, but I don't kno who to when I'm so utterly horrified by the dirt of it all! Fortunately, most of the day, most days, it's not on my mind. it's just a rattly plastic bag under my clothes and if it's behaving quietly, I can ignore it, even mash it under a spandex tube and pretend it's not there.
Now I know alcohol does that, though. if I'm going to go to a bar, for instance, or a party, or otherwise drinking, I'd better plan for it. Wear loose clothing and keep close track of what it's doing. Last time I went drinking with people I had a blowout while waiting for my ride home. If I'd been in loose clothing and aware, I could have changed out the liner before it blew. A blowout is when the dirt forces its way under the glue that holds everything to your stomach and pushes the bag and it's attachment off your body, letting the filth out. It gets all over your belly and filths up your first layer of clothes at least. I can't sleep without shorts on just in case, or it'll get all over my bed if it blows while I sleep. Your rectum will wake you, but I lost mine, there's nothing to warn me.
so today is december 25th and it's annoying to me to have the world try and dictate that I spend it inhaling the "magic of christmas" and making phrases at everyone to wish them a happy one, and having to look at and throw around symbology in the form of pictures of coloured lights and elf hats and coniferous trees killed for decoration. Bah humbug. It's a sunday, people, because I haven't got kids, I'm not a christian, and it's expensive to fake it all. We did stop at best buy yesterday and buy me some toys for my nintendo (amiibo for animal crossing) and a little digital recorder for vlogging. I recorded some sound effects this morning. The ticking clock, it's cuckoo sound, the toilet flushing, a pot of soup boiling, and the tassimo. I'd like to get more but getting them isolated without other noises in them, that's a real challenge. The tick tock clock is always going, the parrot may go off without warning and Dan, well he's got a real knack for interrupting me when it's most annoying. I still have to do my vlogmas post for the day but I generally try and do it when Dan's not here because he's so good at interrupting! I did do it upstairs in my loft last weekend, i will probably do that again.
Here's where we get to the weird part. Right about bedtime my bag started filling up. My poop bag. For you, this would have been "riding the porcelain pony" but for me it meant laying in bed listening close and reaching down to check, since I can't feel it happening very well. Full bag means get to the toilet. At one point it was only a little bit but I felt a lot of gurgling and no sooner did I get on the ladder down from my loft when I felt a splork and the bag just inflated! It was heavy and sloppy and trying to get under the adhesive and exit along my skin where I most assuredly don't want it exiting. I finally realized about 5:30 am that this was the new face of diarrhea and I could take a pill for it, and have pills, so I finally got about 4 hours of sleep after that. I'm still learning this new way of pooping. I don't have the rectum communicating with my brain anymore, just the colon to the bag and it's signs are subtle and ones I used to ignore. It's also a bit of a piss-off that the bag can't hold more at times like that, but since I use a liner to keep things cleaner and it's the largest size available, I'm kind of stuck. The bags are too expensive to toss every time there's dirt. They make ones with a flap to empty via but I found that it was impossible to keep it clean and I was utterly disgusted by the process. With these liners, I take out the liner and hey presto, it's all clean except for the bit around where the stoma sits. That's wiped with flushable wipes and I'm clean, if not sanitary, and with the bag on, as good as sanitary. Probably is sanitary, I dunno. It's not smelly or discolored so that's enough for me and I wash my hands. I wonder if I hate it more than most ostomates, or is this deep furious hatred normal the first year? I feel cheated, bereft, offended and victimized. I know I have to come to terms, to resolve my feelings and accept the change, but I don't kno who to when I'm so utterly horrified by the dirt of it all! Fortunately, most of the day, most days, it's not on my mind. it's just a rattly plastic bag under my clothes and if it's behaving quietly, I can ignore it, even mash it under a spandex tube and pretend it's not there.
Now I know alcohol does that, though. if I'm going to go to a bar, for instance, or a party, or otherwise drinking, I'd better plan for it. Wear loose clothing and keep close track of what it's doing. Last time I went drinking with people I had a blowout while waiting for my ride home. If I'd been in loose clothing and aware, I could have changed out the liner before it blew. A blowout is when the dirt forces its way under the glue that holds everything to your stomach and pushes the bag and it's attachment off your body, letting the filth out. It gets all over your belly and filths up your first layer of clothes at least. I can't sleep without shorts on just in case, or it'll get all over my bed if it blows while I sleep. Your rectum will wake you, but I lost mine, there's nothing to warn me.
so today is december 25th and it's annoying to me to have the world try and dictate that I spend it inhaling the "magic of christmas" and making phrases at everyone to wish them a happy one, and having to look at and throw around symbology in the form of pictures of coloured lights and elf hats and coniferous trees killed for decoration. Bah humbug. It's a sunday, people, because I haven't got kids, I'm not a christian, and it's expensive to fake it all. We did stop at best buy yesterday and buy me some toys for my nintendo (amiibo for animal crossing) and a little digital recorder for vlogging. I recorded some sound effects this morning. The ticking clock, it's cuckoo sound, the toilet flushing, a pot of soup boiling, and the tassimo. I'd like to get more but getting them isolated without other noises in them, that's a real challenge. The tick tock clock is always going, the parrot may go off without warning and Dan, well he's got a real knack for interrupting me when it's most annoying. I still have to do my vlogmas post for the day but I generally try and do it when Dan's not here because he's so good at interrupting! I did do it upstairs in my loft last weekend, i will probably do that again.