lonely and miserable makes bad personality
Feeling extra lonely and sad today. First I got wiped out trying to get everything done in the morning. Dan has stopped doing anything at all in the morning and of course after work he's too tired. He says he'll do it at night, then says he'll do it in the morning. So we're back to the neglect part of the marriage where resentment builds into abuse.
For me, it makes me feel extra lonely because I have to do so much more while I"m sick and can't get it all done and feel like someone should be here helping me. Someone in the world. It really tells me I'm unloved, you know? Sitting around sick with my dirty dishes, wiping myself out before breakfast just to keep the pets going, then having to nap before I can even eat! Now I'm spending the day emotionally stressed.
And to tell him about it? Well that's bitchy, right? That's calling him on his shit and that's loathsome. That'll result in anger and abuse. So I'm back to feeling trapped, in danger, unloved, uncared for, and bitter and angry about it. and nobody fucking cares. Nobody. There is no body I know to turn to. He doesn't even try to understand where I'm at, let alone put effort into helping avoid it, or change his own behaviour. I'm fucking sick and he's treating me like a computer on standby. I got about five days out of him, again, for a crisis so severe I lost 20lbs. He will kill me at this rate. Before spring!!!
I've not got enough money to leave in any way. If I kicked him out I'd be bankrupt by spring and losing my house to the mortgage company. With no bus to move into. They'd probably take my smart car too. They're nasty with that bankruptcy stuff, especially if you're unemployed.
I suppose that's one way to get someone else to handle selling my stuff. I really can't figure out how. I know I can "post an ad" and where, and I know the mechanics of doing that, but how to word it, how to word my responses to replies, how to speak on the phone to them, how to arrange meeting and sale, these are all unfathomable to me right now!
What's more, I'd have to do it hundreds of times to sell everything. Hundreds.
I thought of a yard sale. I'd get less, but it would be quick. Except there's nobody to watch the stuff against thieves while I take bathroom breaks. that's assuming I"m not still struggling with my health. I certainly can't do a yard sale now.
So there's ebay. Frankly that is looking more feasible since I found out how easily UPS does pack and ship. I can do that! Only I need to bring it in for packing and shipping estimate before I list it or how do I list pack and ship fees? Grrrr, that's annoying. I can ask them at the shop, though, that I can do.
There, I've solved at least one problem, that makes me feel better. I shall start considering what stuff to ebay and if I can stop being so damn ill, I'll start getting pictures of stuff and collecting data, set up the information I need, truck stuff out to UPS for estimating, perhaps prepay packing (that'd be cool)
Well, solving something helps me calm down. Trying to reach out on google was only getting me into fights again. People just start going off on me, I never understand why they read what they did into my words. They, on the other hand, consider it so patently obvious even a moron would know. So, well, I'm not a moron, clearly, ergo I'm a liar. I don't bother talking to people who think I'm lying since it's a waste of breath if every word is false, whether it is or not.
For me, it makes me feel extra lonely because I have to do so much more while I"m sick and can't get it all done and feel like someone should be here helping me. Someone in the world. It really tells me I'm unloved, you know? Sitting around sick with my dirty dishes, wiping myself out before breakfast just to keep the pets going, then having to nap before I can even eat! Now I'm spending the day emotionally stressed.
And to tell him about it? Well that's bitchy, right? That's calling him on his shit and that's loathsome. That'll result in anger and abuse. So I'm back to feeling trapped, in danger, unloved, uncared for, and bitter and angry about it. and nobody fucking cares. Nobody. There is no body I know to turn to. He doesn't even try to understand where I'm at, let alone put effort into helping avoid it, or change his own behaviour. I'm fucking sick and he's treating me like a computer on standby. I got about five days out of him, again, for a crisis so severe I lost 20lbs. He will kill me at this rate. Before spring!!!
I've not got enough money to leave in any way. If I kicked him out I'd be bankrupt by spring and losing my house to the mortgage company. With no bus to move into. They'd probably take my smart car too. They're nasty with that bankruptcy stuff, especially if you're unemployed.
I suppose that's one way to get someone else to handle selling my stuff. I really can't figure out how. I know I can "post an ad" and where, and I know the mechanics of doing that, but how to word it, how to word my responses to replies, how to speak on the phone to them, how to arrange meeting and sale, these are all unfathomable to me right now!
What's more, I'd have to do it hundreds of times to sell everything. Hundreds.
I thought of a yard sale. I'd get less, but it would be quick. Except there's nobody to watch the stuff against thieves while I take bathroom breaks. that's assuming I"m not still struggling with my health. I certainly can't do a yard sale now.
So there's ebay. Frankly that is looking more feasible since I found out how easily UPS does pack and ship. I can do that! Only I need to bring it in for packing and shipping estimate before I list it or how do I list pack and ship fees? Grrrr, that's annoying. I can ask them at the shop, though, that I can do.
There, I've solved at least one problem, that makes me feel better. I shall start considering what stuff to ebay and if I can stop being so damn ill, I'll start getting pictures of stuff and collecting data, set up the information I need, truck stuff out to UPS for estimating, perhaps prepay packing (that'd be cool)
Well, solving something helps me calm down. Trying to reach out on google was only getting me into fights again. People just start going off on me, I never understand why they read what they did into my words. They, on the other hand, consider it so patently obvious even a moron would know. So, well, I'm not a moron, clearly, ergo I'm a liar. I don't bother talking to people who think I'm lying since it's a waste of breath if every word is false, whether it is or not.