The next 50 years

It's a hot one today.  I keep thinking I should make myself go to the park and try to sell models.  I have to wait for this one print to finish in any case but I don't want to go, so that makes it hard.  I'm thinking of better things to do at home instead.  However, truth be, it'll never get better till I start doing it and if it works for me.  I get so anxious thinking about it!  I guess I'll go feed myself something or see how that print is going.  I have literally nothing to do at home.  Nothing of use anyway.  I could make work for myself, naturally, but for things on the slate this day is either empty or it's my mind.  I think I may need to start running to do lists again.  my memory is just freakin' blank most of the time now.  Seriously, can't remember much at all! I've spent the morning looking around at printable objects on thingiverse, adding to the collections for cute models to paint.  I'm currently printing a...

I can say I have neglected my meditation intention.  There's just so little around me to trigger it, and I see that.  I'm watching a guy do the daily chores on his gravel garden.  He explained that it's a form of meditation in which you focus only on the moment used in cleaning the garden.  I get that, and that's something I could do with the dishes perhaps. Actually, that's exactly my problem.  The mundane moments of the day just don't require my mind that much and it hates to idle.  I get the idea that idling it is what I'm supposed to do but the very idea leaves me feeling anxious. Why does the idea of being without thought frighten me?  I think it's impossible.  I find when I am without something specivid to think about, my brain starts triggering.  I mean, like, I'll wash a dish, and it will remind me of something from the past which then reminds me of a past hurt.  See, I just pictured washing a spoon and it took me back to somet...

I don't know when I quit following her, or if I did.  Most certainly do no remember why, although I think she did a run of just alcoholic posts, no doggy in the mix.  She posted her dog mostly, and I was following and it was almost like a friendship, but then nothing.  Now I can't see any of her posts or follow, like she's blocked me.  But I don't know why.  It has me feeling small and unwelcome again.  I have tried so hard to bite my tongue, figuratively speaking, and just post supportive comments and I hit that fucking like button on almost every post.  If I'm following them and the post isn't offensive, I hit the like button. So why am I still getting blocked? Yeah, like asking whether there's extra-terrestrial life and if so, why don't they like us?  It really sucks being the most hateable person in existence, it really does.  I try my hardest to be what everyone demands and get shit for being fake.  I try to be my most authentic se...

I haven't memorized the numbers but for millenia humans have been practicing the art of "stretching food."  I was taught it by my mother.  You add grains to your food to make it go farther.  It's a way of feeding poor people.  That's what grains are, an invention supported by kings and bullies for the purpose of feeding the masses.  We should be feeding them to the meat animals and eating them, and turning it into fuel, oil, and assorted other non-food functions because it's not human food!  Instead we're forcing it onto our carnivore pets! But can the world live on a paleo diet?  They should, and would be far healthier if they did, and live longer, be less emotional, and smarter as a whole.  But can we produce enough freshies? I realize that for most people, bread is food and good food.  In fact, folks believe that there are nutritive qualities in grains that we can't do without.  I used to.  Now I see that's been artificially in...

I was thinking about how people would rather argue about global climate change than change their polluting habits.  How environmentalists then have to spend hours and hours lobbying the government with laws to force them to do what common sense would imply they should do.  Think about it, we're asking you to pollute less.  Why on earth would we even have to go further than that?  We're showing you how, and providing technology, and begging sideways and forwards for help and why would you sit and argue the need on something so apparent?  Less pollution is good.  More pollution is bad.  This simple truth was proven last century when bodies of water caught fire and the sun and stars were stolen from some skies by thick air.  Why must there be an endless parade of evidence continually displaying for people to see the plain sense in it? We hear people complaining so much about too much government and law.  Nobody seems to grasp that it's caused b...

So we're still waiting on the "huge" check dan worked so hard for.  The bunny needs to go to the doctor so that's why we never get the credit cards paid down.  We don't get them, or the taxes paid, so how will we ever pay down the big line of credit account on our mortgage?  Dan doesn't see it, but I do.  I don't think he does better on one big job.  He does, but he spends too much of his time on it.  He gets miserable.  I don't think he makes more money per day (nevermind per hour) on the big jobs.  Since the more big jobs he does, the harder it is to budget the household, I think it doesn't make more money.  I'm always struggling for simple things like a small vet bill, getting groceries, etc.  That isn't the same when he's doing multiple little jobs. Bunny goes in at 4 and maybe the cheque will be made out, if the boss comes in today.  I think he usually doesn't, and if he makes it out tomorrow, it'll be wednesday before Dan...

I used to think of my intellect as a resource.  Something to be of use to others.  As my primary gift, it was the thing I felt most inclined to share and for so long I've tried to share it, pretty much forcing it on the world.  Now I am coming to realize nobody gives a shit about facts, data, understanding, or insight.  They want their ego stroked, then go away.  That's all anyone wants, money or ego stroking.  I know, it's horribly cynical, and I hate that.  But I just can't find evidence otherwise anymore!  I'm resented for my efforts to be intelligent! I used to think it was valuable but the incredible increase in general stupidity and ignorance around me indicates that it is not. I really don't have anything to offer except as a silent grunt doing physical tasks a robot will eventually do. In return for this, I'm expected to patiently listen to incredibly stupid and wrong noise from other humans pretty much constantly.  It is too much t...