sub human life
How it feels to live on the street in a bus. Lousy. Truly lousy.
People regard me as a problem, not as a person. I'm not a human anymore. I'm maybe a zombie or something? I have no rights anymore. I have no power.
It feels so stressful. Got a citation letting me know I have change blocks every 24 hrs. Now I know why this spot was open. The hate is such a focused mental energy I can feel it even when it's not in sight.
My brake leak problem continues but if I flip the goofy lever switch it stops? Maybe? Honestly, I don't get how that lever works or what it does. It's like, if it's up when I start the bus, I get a constant buzz. If it's down when I run the bus, it leaks fluid all over the floor from the leaky seals I can't afford to fix.
I'v e been going busking. I want to go daily but by friday or saturday I was exhausted an also had a bunch of home work to do and so stayed home, sunday seemed unlikely to be any good and monday and tuesday were on strike. So tomorrow I will go again. I earn around $12/day. It's not enouugh nor what I used to get in the old days, but it's not nothing. I was able to buy us a chicken and today treated myself to coffee and candy and finally got a proper soup ladle.
See, they want me to cease to exist. I want me to cease to exist. Everyone wants this except Dan, Freddy, and Rene, who need me. Soooo, that's four of us who have poof out of existence suddenly.
Well, that magic simply doesn't exist outside of hollywood. Nobody disapparates. Sorry. I'm a wizard and I know this for certain. I'm not allowed, legally, to exist at all in any form except pedestrian on the move, far as I can tell. Well that just isn't possible. Nope. Nobody can spend 24/7 walking for 50 years in their twilight years. Simply isn't a thing, not even for the endurance folks.
the laws are unreasonable. Yet because I am a person without rights or power, I cannot stand up and call it out. Nobody else will either, of course, because they hate poor people too. Even the poor hate those poorer than them these days. Canada is a plutocracy. "A country or society governed by the wealthy."
So your level of value is set by your asset value. You cannot be hired from unemployment, only from your parent's home, or another employer. Yep. No really, it's become true. If you aren't employed now, you will not get a job. Because if you were worth anything you would HAVE one, right? And what fool would leave a place where they had a job to try and find work and living anywhere else ,where they no longer have a job and are therefor, say it with me, "Unemployable." Yep. Nevermind the older one that you can't get hired off welfare, now you can't get hired at all unless you just want to change employers. And what do these business people do in response to the predictable outcome of more and more indigent people? Why the same thing they did in victorian times and earlier. Set up as much punitive force as they can muster to make these indigent people regret their bad choices. Trust me, they'd set up gallows if they could get away with it.
I'm beyond even asking what to do, because I have lost all hope.
Like, to get a disability advocate to help me get my papers in order for disability status, I need to have my papers for disability status already in order. Before I can even ask HOW, I have to have done it.
I don't know what to do with this. Which is exactly what they want. They talk about people falling through cracks in the system. They don't mention that they tear those cracks as wide open as possible to ensure a low bottom line on the service. Essentially, I am a crack dweller.Have been all my life. I wasn't stupid enough for special ed nor functional enough for regular school so I was just punished for being a problem. I wasn't old enough to get work nor young enough to get workplace aids so I didn't get hired at all. I wasn't disabled enough to get disability but not abled enough to be employable so I sat on the lowest tier of welfare all my years (that I didn't figure out an alternative.) And now I have disability status but I can't use it because I don't know how to access it. My disability interferes with these tasks.
The frustration is overwhelming. Dan can't help with this business. If I know someone who can, I'm not aware of it.
What I want is a 15x15ft space more or less, so I can set up my loom and workshop in addition to living furniture. With a door of it's own, electricity, and water and heat. Plus parking for two double vehicles. That allows a dog.
It's asking too much at any price, and I need it at less than $500 with access to the transit at the very least.
Nope, can't have it.
Well, I mean, in the world of wish magic, aka positive thinking, it's not impossible. So I shall wish and search for it. But don't think I'm unaware of the situation.
I would ask you, if comments were allowed, what would you do in my situation? Yeah, you can't stand to think of that. It's like trying to plan for a fire in the house. Terrifying.
So some solutions others would have but I don't: Get a job. No really, even if I could get one, it wouldn't pay enough to get me off the street and would come with added stress of the workplace. I can't cope with stress and the current stress load is really making me sick. But then my combined disabilities ensure I do not qualify for any entry level jobs nor anything for which I am qualified. Plus I'm 60 and ageism is real. I think it's what's blocking Dan from employment as much as the "why do you need a job if you're worth hiring" attitude I think is going on.
You might ask why employers are so stingy? Automation. Robots, AI, computers, automatic service points like self serve tills, they all come together to wipe a large swath of lower paying jobs and higher paying ones as well. All those more competent people than myself are taking the jobs I might have gotten.
Why else not get a job? I have no resume. Why else? I have no job history (the transition wiped it out) Why else? I don't know where they are being posted. Frankly, I have no intention of trying because I truly don't believe the stress will give me anything but more health issues.
Back in saskatchewan, I got 1164 to cover costs of living. My housing was 650 and my utilities were 450. Keeping track? My car payment was 86 and the rest was all mine to cover food, fuel, sanitation and hygiene, clothing, and any materials I wanted to get in trying to make myself productive. Like fleeces. Did you do the math? I didn't. I'd done it last year and it was clearly going to implode by winter. Having the government sieze my accounts in March pretty much just kicked me in the butt in summer. Now I get 960. I suppose they thought the $200 difference covered housing and utilities? It's odd. Where, pray tell, do these accommodations exist?
You know, the bank only just started inquiring about the delinquent mortgage and they probably have still not investigated the abandoned house. Well it was only worth the value of the empty lot I was told repeatedly so there you have it. i can't bear to ever see it again.
If I had my druthers I'd have a little garage with bus parking and it would be something I could afford and I'd go out to saskatchewan to license my bus and car one more time and try to get my disability and medical files in hand. Then I'd drive my car back and be here. That's my genuine wish there. A garage. A hose, an outlet, and i"ll figure out heat with something cheap. Because it's my shop, I can continue to use the bus for living. But where and how do I find it? Location? Ideally, industrial north vancouver as close to the inlet as possible with nearby forest to walk in. Like around here for example. Fenced smallish yard where we can set up a shelter over the bus to get work done.
yep. I picked up a real estate listings magazine freebie, time to go read it. After I walk rene.
I read that BC allows 1464 a month on disability. Whew. Like they only offer another $200 to live in the most desireable location in the country, therefor one of the highest housing costs. Last time I was here, my welfare allowance (I couldn't get hired) was just shy of my fixed expenses because my rent was double the allowable amount. I used to busk downtown once or twice a week to make up the difference. I wasn't living well but I was able to maintain housing. I had trouble getting enough grocery money but with my bike I got all over vancouver including any free lunches I learned about.
Ok,time to walk the dog.