negativity spiral

I'm so negative now, I cringe at myself. I can't seem to head it off when it starts.  I can't seem to stay on something cheerful.  I know why, I'm depressed and anxious.  I'm hungry and cold. 
I need friends.  I need human networking.  I need income, work, resources.  And I'm not getting them.  Which has me so stressed I can't get out of negativity. Which makes me unpleasant and ensures I don't make any connections.  Which keeps me anxious and depressed. Which keeps me negative. Which ensures I can't make connections. So I'm still hungry and cold and terrified of the last week of the month and of losing everything and being even colder and hungrier.
I don't know how to deal with it.  I'm getting stuck in the sense of hopeless doom.  I'm running out of energy due to poor nutrition.
I'm doing my best to forage.  I'm trying hard to think of reasons to be grateful.  But then everything thing I give gratitude for is a thing I can lose and I get even more anxious.  I don't trust anything anymore. 
Well, this isn't getting it off my chest, it's only spotlighting my misery for me.  I'd like to go back to spinning but it's making my chest scars hurt again and that means I need to let my scar heal.  If I don't, it eventually starts bruising.  I tried.  The pain also gets blinding and starts preventing other activities besides spinning.  It's from lifting my arm over and over again.  I am feeling too stressed to knit, so I guess it's rug hooking. My blue bowtie is finally nice. At first I didn't felt it down enough and it was too big. I had to do it again. I like the blue.  a

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