Strategies for Happiness?

So, there's gratitude, aka count your blessings.  Trouble with that is it reminds me of what I can still lose and spikes my anxiety. But I try.  I remember how much warmer it is here. Then worry I won't get back next winter. That I will be stuck homeless in saskatchewan, a thing I certainly don't know how to do. Honestly, it's not the dying of cold, it's the weeks leading up to dying, the weeks of hunger and fear and helplessness, of watching my pets and plants go first. 
So yeah, counting my blessings isn't working.
Forget about the future.  Yeah, don't plan for it, don't worry about it, just slide on down to whatever happens. Trust in something that gives a damn about you.  Oh, yeah, that would be the something that let me have cancer "for some noble future purpose."  Or is it the force that has set my Life game mode to extra hard with a dose of internet connection problems?  Or is it the one that never answers any of my prayers?  Trust it?  I did.  It failed me.  So how to not worry about the future when I feel like I need to find a solution immediately to already untenable circumstances?
Live in the now.  Well.  In the now I am hungry, nauseous, malnutritioned, cold, and recovering daily from someone's microaggression towards us. This morning it wasn't just the speeding and revving but 3 separate cars honked hard as they passed us. Then later, a woman with looks that ought to have turned the world to stone was taking pictures of us and scowling.  I'm still dealing with the hormonal surges of discomfort caused by that.  Anger that they're so petty and mean spirited.  Frustration that I'm in a city instead of up a mountain. Fear about the mechanical issues that mean I'm stuck in a city and how in hell will they get fixed and how long until it just breaks? Will my brakes fail me at an inopportune time?    It's serious.
So living in the now?  Not a happy place right now. I didn't mention the toothache and the vram flap inflammation either.
Think about someone worse off.  Heh.Yeah, right, but I can't ride above their pain because I am poised to dive into that ocean myself. What knowlege I do have simply makes me all the more terrified.  There isn't enough charity out there for the needs. 
Libertarians like to jaw on about how private charity will take care of the indigent, orphans, disabled, etc.  But...  Nobody is taking care of these at all.  How can you say someone will without legislated tax dollar aid?  What makes you pay taxes if not the knowlege that your country has your back?  The government, the last fall back, will always be there in the clinch, but they aren't.  They not only have abandoned the citizens in their time of need but are rapidly pulling back more and more services including basic infrastructure while tightening the tax screws.  
How then is my negativity to be overcome?  I mean, it's the whole reason I'm failing, right?  I'm not entertaining enough to others so they avoid me and that's because I'm not cheerful and bright and encouraging.  How do I do those emotions in this condition? Why is that the requirement to be included in society?
i need to start pestering the disability advocates when we get to vancouver and I know they won't have anything good to tell me and I know I have to shake that tree for my last grasp at life. I can't die, but I can certainly suffer tremendously and become so permanently damaged that I never again know joy.  Forty years of misery is worth finding the courage and emotional energy. But goddamn it's beating me up. I'm feeling so sick too.
I still have one more banana after today and several oranges but that's all.  Theres no more bread about four eggs. There's rice.  Enough fixings for one last batch of cookies. Powdered soup base, a few noodle packs.  a dozen pickled eggs. It's going fast and I'm feeling sick constantly.
I'm so scared I have trouble thinking and I cry again as much as I ever did before transition.
Oh and another little microaggression was from some trolls on youtube being trollish.  Doesn't matter if I dismiss them, send them back a quip or remove them or anything. Reading the comment does it's thing to one's autonomic nervous system anyway.  You still take an emotional hit. They know that.

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