it actually feels supernatural.

 I've been working diligently and the abalanche of change is well under way.  It will not now stop. However, I have still felt quite frantic having to wait on some things like a medical test next month, frozen food we can't eat that fast, work yet to be done to properly shore up the load in the bus, or even to add better storage. 

But I have been driven by the terror of "flight risk" and "seizures happen more in the western provinces."  I can't understand why they'd pick on me so hard but I can't say they wouldn't and if they did, I know they'd show up at 8am or thereabouts, and include a half dozen wary cops as they honestly don't know who's in here or how they're gong to behave.  You bring a locksmith and a couple officious business casual types, definitely at least one female.

Well anyway, I don't want that experience. I've been panicking at the sight of police cars and just having trouble sleeping.

Well I've been doing my level best to cope, eating properly and making an effort to cook nice things, drinking catnip mint tea for sleep, and lots of relaxation moments through the day.

For the most part, I'm about packed in, actualy.  But not tied or strapped properly and nervous about how that's going to go. I'm tring to pack things tight enough that they keep each other in place, so that might also be all I need to do. 

Well ok, so today the most astonishing news came across the internet.  I generally ignore the news, it's usualy just toxic and unhelpful, but this stood out.  Federal government, including the folks who'd be engineering any home invasion here, are on strike as of now?  Well or tomorrow night?  Not entirely sure since there wasn't yet an update on the strike being declared, but it sounds pretty likely and the deadline is officially past.

I keep reeling in shock at this great news. It is awfully silly to think the universe engineered this to help me get into my dream life, but it's also pretty good for the faith voice's arguments and after all, faith is the thing that helps us stay calm in the face of tragedy, right?

Well anyway, I couldnt' tell anyone, because I am not telling folks generally in the first place.  It's not exactly a conversaton opener.  "yeah, so I'm on the hook for someone else's taxes, see, because I can't do math and was too damn sick to pay attentino anyway.  And well, they want to cast me naked in the gutter and hold their legal boot to my neck until I drown in the filth."  Nope, not really a good conversation.  Well anyway, if they're on strike, they're not gong to be coming to my door.  It's just bought me at least a month, probably the whole 60 days before the bank starts to act. which means I could possibly work on the rack.  but do I tell Dan?

Urgency is the only thing keeps him moving.  But then he'll know, won't he? I will avoid bringing it up and see what happens, perhaps. Because if he slows down, there's not enough time in all the universe.  He doesn't act if he thinks he has time. I don't know why or what he's doing instead but the urgency is the only thing keeping him tuned in and he's instrumental now. Yet again. Always was, really.  I can't start this life alone. I might someday know enough to do it alone, but maybe not. I won't try and predict my life that hard. I never thought I'd be in this house past age 45.  I thought I'd sell it within a couple years of being paid off and use the money to go to Tibet. I didn't expect to be that sick and depressed and just stupid.  Nor that my house would never earn enough to pay for that tibetan trip. Not even clear of a mortgage.

I'm over that now.  It feels like her dream, and she's dead.  I'm leaving her world behind, and grateful to do it.

but the strike, well, it feels positively miraculous to me. Even if it's not a long strike, the backlog will still keep them busy and give me the breathing space my nerves need.  I've really overtired myself.  I've packed everything not being used currently. Seriously. Excluding fridge and freezer. 

Oh, and im washing wool like a maniac. batch after batch. Nice weather?  Two fleeces in one day.  Bad weather? small batches as fast as the first is dried and binned.  I'm getting so much it scares me. It's gong to take over my space!  But it's insulatin and yarn and I must!  while it dries, Im back to combing.  My scars get achey after 9pm but I get a fair bit combed and will get faster as I go of course. I comb, then card it with the carding drum. the waste is kept for insulation. the roving is much more compact and squishes down well ompared to the uncombed fleece. so that's the goal. Washing is necessary because they shouldn't be allowed to sit dirty at all. Things change in there and not for the better.

yeah, so I had to celebrate, it's like a reward for my hard work, time eough to clean up the house and put things in order, finish the safety based work on the bus so it's solid for driving, and get dan's vehicles up and running.  He plans to move out of his room in may and into the trailer here.  I don't really want him living in a trailer in the yard.  but if it's just for the month it's not that serious?   I really do need to stick around to till end of may even if i life mostly in the trailer.  I need the time to eat the frozen food, I need the time for medical appintments and I'd like to get a dental appontment in too.  Ineed somehow to contact the disability people about my situation and discuss my health coverage and keeping it full coverage.  that's important to me.  

g'nite