used to bes don't count anymore.

I remember long conversations.fun ones where we chased ideas. Were they hiding their irritation because I was pretty? Why can't I have that now? Why do conversations have so many micro judgements buried in them till you can't do anything without plotting it out like a game of chess?
I miss good company. It seems everyone else is either too shallow or too busy or too touchy or too suspicious. 
They read things into it that weren't there when I composed my words. Then want me to answer for it!
Can't get an HS friend to chat me, and I get hung up between "don't take everything personally"and "is he trying to politely push me off?" The latter is winning at the moment.
Reminds me of the ex who just went along with everything with a smile or a laugh, till one day he burst out with "I can't do this" and dumped me, in a hard situation. Then left town and found an old friend and sat around bad mouthing me into a monster. I found out two years later on a road trip when I went and visited said old friend. Oh, he says he never respected me...
On the plus side I am making time to call an internet friend of 20yrs because he misses being called but is so damn negative nobody keeps it up. Ironically, I really enjoyed it yesterday. The open window I guess. 
After all, I do feel crappy today in general. Woke up in a miserable mood and haven't fixed it yet.

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