still out here
I have been waiting until I can sit at my desk to write. The stuff to say about keeps mounting and before you know it, almost none of it makes the cut. I'm so sorry to be so silent so long. Now, a rough scrape up of the mere events of the summer, when a more in depth moment-by-moment telling would be much richer. So much I can't tell you without diving in, and even as I type, I realize I'm still not up to this long typing.
I've been on the couch a long time. The chemo shrank the tumour 80% and last friday, surgery was undertaken, successfully. The mechanics aren't important, but I no longer have an anus or rectum. No but, seriously, they rebuilt my pelvic floor using a graft off my abdomen!! During all this, a spiritual surgery was happening too.
I came out of the hospital with more than changes to belly and butt. My character too was forged or honed or something.
I feel like a different person. It's about that I wish I could speak in depth, but it's very deep and takes a couple of hours to write. Yet here I am getting a sore neck laying sideways (can't sit on the graft yet) using a poor quality keyboard on the couch cushion, just really starting to hurt. I'm able to get up and totter about, and even break out in a bit of dance, but it's very important to do as little of it as I can, because they cut a train tunnel through me and took out a pound of flesh. I'm healing at lightning speed so there's no reason to think anything untoward should happen, but I have the ability to call out for good help and I'm very perceptive. If anything goes wrong I'm well poised to notice. I'm in a good place, use good habits to protect from falling or cutting myself in the kitchen, don't lift things, and so on. I have good medicines to keep things balanced and unstressed. I'm very clear of mind, and my body feels clean and ready, if not yet strong. There are some minor shadows on my lung in one spot, but not something that hasn't been seen to vanish on it's own, and so it could be nothing, or it could become something. I'll let you know when they begin scanning and monitoring it, I should get up on the desk sooner than later. I couldn't put it on a calendar, though, and won't try.
I've been on the couch a long time. The chemo shrank the tumour 80% and last friday, surgery was undertaken, successfully. The mechanics aren't important, but I no longer have an anus or rectum. No but, seriously, they rebuilt my pelvic floor using a graft off my abdomen!! During all this, a spiritual surgery was happening too.
I came out of the hospital with more than changes to belly and butt. My character too was forged or honed or something.
I feel like a different person. It's about that I wish I could speak in depth, but it's very deep and takes a couple of hours to write. Yet here I am getting a sore neck laying sideways (can't sit on the graft yet) using a poor quality keyboard on the couch cushion, just really starting to hurt. I'm able to get up and totter about, and even break out in a bit of dance, but it's very important to do as little of it as I can, because they cut a train tunnel through me and took out a pound of flesh. I'm healing at lightning speed so there's no reason to think anything untoward should happen, but I have the ability to call out for good help and I'm very perceptive. If anything goes wrong I'm well poised to notice. I'm in a good place, use good habits to protect from falling or cutting myself in the kitchen, don't lift things, and so on. I have good medicines to keep things balanced and unstressed. I'm very clear of mind, and my body feels clean and ready, if not yet strong. There are some minor shadows on my lung in one spot, but not something that hasn't been seen to vanish on it's own, and so it could be nothing, or it could become something. I'll let you know when they begin scanning and monitoring it, I should get up on the desk sooner than later. I couldn't put it on a calendar, though, and won't try.