roles

It was a life skills course, the subject was community support systems. They talked about the various roles people play in each others' lives.  There were descriptions of personalities and the things they do for others.  There's the helper, a person who always comes by to help.  There's the one who cheers you up when you need a break.  he's usually goofy, entertaining, and these days quite popular.  There's the advisor, someone sober, perhaps a bit negative, but with experience and insight.  There's the comforter, the one who  soothes you when you're upset. These are just a few of the roles people might play and it's perfectly normal to be lacking in your own community.  Personally I've tried to be a helper, and I'm built to be a source of info.  But because I'm female and built attractively, my info was never trusted.  People assumed I was wrong.  Assumed I'd make mistakes interpreting, understanding, retrieving, or storing information whole, so my info was worthless.  It's frustrating to constantly be sidelined with the answer in your hands and stand there watching them struggle to solve it without you.
I also tried being a helper.  I would drop my own agenda and come running, be it 4 am or 4pm.  I've come running to minister to the sick.  I've taken entire weeks out of my life to paint houses for free.  I've sat with women in the night to protect them if "he" returns.  yet I'm still without MY social support network!  Nobody ever checks on me or drops their agenda to promote mine.  Nobody bends their back in effort for a week to help make my world nicer.  Nope.  I had managed to hold onto a couple friends by bending over backwards to please them at the drop of a hat but neither ever reciprocated so I dumped them.  There's Tom, and he comes by to visit, making himself thereby useful.  There's value in being someone's only friend, someone willing to get up and go over and keep them company!
I wish I was designed to be that "person who cheers me up" or "person who gets the party going" but it's not my nature.  I tried, I just came off as "loud."

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