July blatherings
I finally made a friend, maybe. I mean, so far I have made several friends who subsequently ghosted me so who knows, but this guy seems to need a friend for actual. Like not judging me and appreciating that I do the same in return.
I realized that all I actually want in a friend is to know they aren't an enemy. To be able to smile when I see them or their vehicle, not feel like I'm supposed to crawl under a rock and hide. Which is how most people make me feel. I just want to feel like someone is fine with seeing me in existence. Of course now he's had time to think about me maybe not, as usual. It's been copacetic and ghost multiple times since I arrived. Like the guy who offered to give me a dog then went hostile when I followed up and I still don't know why he went hostile. It's almost like his little dog liked me too much. Oh she did, too, cuddled right up into my arms and didn't want to leave. She felt so good in my arms too.
Then the lady I don't trust in the gold van. I don't trust her because she was doing that narcissist mirror thing that makes you think they're just like you, but they aren't. They're sometimes two beats behind, sometimes ahead of you, and never show the followup behaviour of a sincere person. She did give me two watercolors she did. The cartoon fox is cute. Very familiar too, it's done in a really common drawing style I've seen out in the world. So she's not a studied artist, she's new, and her work shows no spark. IOW, kind of like narcissists do. They are like waterstriders, always on the surface going with the flow, grabbing the hapless bugs they can, but never going down into the depths. Always stuck in 2d emotionally. I guess they do the narcissist manipulation thing because the spikey emotions they provoke simulate 3d emotions they lack?
Well the new rv guy seems nice enough. He seems to lack friends and has been through some pretty stressful events of the "make you think about your behaviour" type. He's right at that age when you either learn to shut down and become coersive and bitchy, or you grow your character and learn to be a better person for life. Mid 30s. Old enough to feel done, young enough to grow. A choice is often made whether to allow yourself to feel like shit so you can grow, or pitch a fit and scare off life and refuse to be anything more than you are at that point.
ticket folks were out this morning ticketing the asshole rv. The one with the dogs and the hostile "leave me alone" inhabitants. An example of seeing someone in the world that makes me feel smaller. It was a simple thing. I tossed him an extra ball from the tennis center for his dog, silently from across the road. Underhanded toss, landed right about 5ft from him neat and gentle. He frowned as he pitched it back hard. Not at me, but to me. Like no intention to hit or anything, just to say "no, fuck you." So now when i see that RV I feel like I'm expected to not exist. Other RVs I haven't met, I just worry. People whom I have met who seem a friend, I smile. It's simple. I want to make friends to make my surroundings friendlier. In that spirit, I am always friendly to others. How is this considered inappropriate behaviour is beyond me.
Well I'm feeling a trace of schadefreude for the ticket they had popped on the windscreen. I bet they had to pay for being too close to a stop sign, plus the move notice. When I see the other guy again I will be sure to ask him if he got a notice.
I'm still worried I had something because the dog woke me up barking lightly just before all this went down. I can't find any trace of anything jammed in any of the spots they've used in the past.
i knew there was no way ICBC was allowing people to park long term in their alley, it's signed staff parking, but the place is closed. But there's constant renovation type activity. Office supplies trucks and tradesmen. Not sure what they're doing. It's not a gut and reno and it's going stupid slow.
The facility would make an excellent homeless shelter, though. It has these wide drive-through bays with offices attached. the offices could be used to house sensitive individuals while the bays could be fitted out with bunks. The grounds would allow at least a dozen RVS and two dozen cars and a hundred tents. Theres water and power and toilets and they could rig up a shower with portables. In a better world, they would. In this world of law suits and money mongering, they won't.
Well I give a little thought of thanks, many times a day, that I am parked where i am. It's got good sun. It's safe. It's near services and a gorgeous creek and the sea and has good access to transit and the wider area. I can park my car next to my bus and they leave me alone. there's water in reach and I can manage my other needs. So here's hoping it stays this way while I sort out my licensing problems before the plates expire.
Oh that? Oh, it's just that when the sask plates expire, my bus and car will have to pass safety and smog inspections to be licensed here. If my bus can't get it's repairs done, I dunno what comes next when the plates expire. On the one hand, it could be years before they run the plates and notice.OIn the other hand, it could result in losing everything on the back of a tow truck. It's terrifying. Plus I have to face the argument in the future when Dan tries to convince me to "sell" him my bus so he can license it off his friend's address in saskatoon. The friend that cleared out and sold all my appliances and left over furniture but did not kick back any money. The guy who tries to cheat on his customers then makes right when called on it to prove his temper tantrum was justified. Well anyway, no, universe, do not put me in 'impound or give all the power to Dan" situation please. I'm trying to get away from him, remember? Been trying for 18 years??? Like since the first six months of the marriage? As in the best thing I ever had to say about my marriage was that it wasn't welfare. I've been unable to divorce him, unable to just shake him, and no I will find another way without giving him my house a second time!!!!!!