I don't need an ego, it's all fake

I have decided that I need to start considering the world around me as unreal. To stop seeing the figures around me as people.  To stop giving a damn about the stories that leak in from this weird shadow world of strangers with whom I cannot engage.
If I can't engage with them, they are functionally not real.  So it's irrelevant what they think is real because they aren't real.
I havent' decided what this means in terms of my personal behaviour.  I do expect the game engine to continue to react and dole out punishment shocks when I break rules. But i really think I need to remember they're all fake. Every last one of them.  Fake people.  Not actually people, just virtual reality figures with AI programming peopling the scenery.  Why I'm in this simulation is anyone's guess but I am quite certain that's what it is.  When it started, if there was ever life outside of it, why I'm in it, no idea. But nothing is real, of that I am becoming sure.  
In terms of practical life shit, got my car back.  Went to see a neighbor about a dog, got snubbed even though it was him what brought it up to begin with.  
The young transman who was going to help me connect with the queer community is ghosting me now.  Politely trickled off rather than abrupt ghosting but it's about the same thing, right?   
Utterly non existent as a person. 
I don't know yet what it means beyond the leaden grief and heavy fear it instillls in me.  To realize nothing is real but I still can't escape and it's a sadistic program is hard to take.  Torturers wiping your brow with a cool cloth aren't showing kindness, they're keeping you awake to feel all the pain.  Healing me just enough to throw me around again isn't hope making.
Well anyway, I have the car.  Took it out to get laundry done and check my mail only to find out it's a holiday monday and they are all closed.  Try again tomorrow.  Ran out of weed today, but I need to be more careful with my money now because after june disbursment the bouncing payout report will cause them to stop sending me money.  I cannot count on the stipend come july. So I need to get on top of my paperwork here. Which means my countdown to shelter-less begins because I do not see how this bus could pass inspection.  Even if the mechanics are good, not only do all the furnishings have to come out, but all the house electrics too, because the outlets and wiring are not standard and will not pass. All this and I also have to import my car and no money to use.  And while i paid a year in advance I know it's invalid and I don't know if the cops will run it and get on my case about it.  Anxiety.
How could any of this be reality?  How can so much jeopardy be natural? 
No, I must conclude and keep reminding myself, I am in fact inside some kind of VR and none of this is real. What happens if i fail this run I do not know but i am too tired to do more than get through day by day. Fuck them all. Fuck the war victims, fuck the other homeless, fuck the activists and the abused, they're all fake and not a one gives a fuck for me.

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