mixed emotions

oIt's a funny place to find oneself.  Halfway between gratitude and existential anxiety with a dose of moral outrage.  
So let me break it down backwards.
The outrage is about how my country is failing it's people in their times of need. Ordinary people being let to fall into the streets. If you survive a life threatening ilness with disability, expect to be unable to afford housing on what is available to the public disabled.  I guess the privileged folks all have these fancy insurance packages that pay out a handsome tithe montly to let them live like humans.  How else could this stand?
The anxiety.  Well the bus had a few mechanical scares.  We've been visited a few times by officious persons.  One pair of ladies came on as street outreach and for the cost of two cheap school lunches were able to draw way too much information out of me.  I'm kicking myself for it.  Now it's possible they'll get back to me in January with usefulness, and I don't want ot say anything I have to eat. But I did realize after that I just have to stop trusting like that.  I came close to giving enough info to get in trouble back home with the meagre stipend already available.
Dan has not secureed more work.   It doesn't mean a lot because things always slow down this time of year, but it does mean a lot for us because we're so close   to the edge.  If nothing untoward happens, we have enough of this and that to make it till my income drops.  If it doesn't fail, then that could keep us going anotherr 2 wks if we are very very frugal.  Part of the trouble is heating the vehicles enough and covering fuel for that, as well as food of course.
Then finally the gratitude.  There is rosehips on the bushes all over the damn place anywhere it hasn't been tended.  Like everywhere. We are having rosehip tea daily.  The coldest it's been is less than minus five, like touched on minus five one night in some places but not where we were. It's cool today, only 3 and down to 1 overnight. But I can take it! We can stand this.   It's not snowy or icey and the ground is green. I made it here for the winter. i'm here.  All I need to do is be smart, be flexible, be frugal, be strong. That's my familiar spot, I guess.  I wouldn't call it comfort or favorite but certainly it is familiar. 
Well I started wanting to talk about something that felt deep, but as usual, forgot it by the time I was set up to type it.  LOL  

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