New idea
I think he gets me yelling at him too easily. I know I'm triggered. I know too he's got his ways of prepping me for that trigger before he launches it. He knows what will trigger me too. He gets me yelling because it gives him a charge.
I hate it. I'm usually a pretty calm person actually but not when he gets going. The bird can scream like a maniac for an hour and I can hold my wits but that man just mentions one of the trigger subjects, then refuses to stop when asked, making excuses for why it's so important to force me to know this information. It sets me off. I'd love to not be set off but he knows when to drop these nuggets too. Like when I'm doing something that requires concentration or is not going well. It's not really fair to test my temper that way, is it? So I've decided to punish him every time he does it with my silence for the evening. He starts, I'll jam on headphones and that's it for the evening, he doesn't exist. Let's see if he can learn the equal skill of avoiding triggering me for the reward of someone to talk to. If he can't, fuck him. Let him fuck off. I can so totally wave sayonara to this marriage. Being provoked on a daily basis is not my idea of fun at all. Just because he's extremely devious about it doesn't make it not happening. So, if I find myself yelling at him, I won't speak to him again that day. Not one fucking word. Could take a few months to sink in but I think it might work. Absence of reward is the best punishment you can use to train someone. If he goes without me yelling at him, then he's got the pleasure of my company. If he can't, he loses it. Should sink in at some point. Maybe by spring. I think it's easier for me to do that than to try and have the patience of a saint against the devious machinations of a narcissist. I mean, I'm not Robin Williams by any stretch but I think I'm interesting to talk to and can be quite funny and fun. Just he's wasting me on dopamine hits from drama. If by acting an hour later like it's all over and getting me to comply with that pretense he gets all that personality, then he's got nothing to lose, right? I on the other hand have my peace of mind to lose. It's got to be as important to him as it is to me or he'll never stop stealing it for his own emotional tickle.
So in other news. I figured out a bit more about video making and I'm rather pleased about it. I can see the results of my work are still rankly amatuer and rather terrible, really. I'll look back in ten years and laugh and shake my head but admit I knew well how bad it was, I just didn't know why. But that being said, I'm rather proud of the recent improvements. It also encourages me that this is something I might actually get better at, because I just did, one little step closer.
Along the same lines, I have worked out that my old olympus TG cameras are excellent choices for vlogging. I bought two matching cameras years ago to try and get into stereographic video. Sadly the simple app that stitched them together has vanished. I haven't tried yet, but don't know what to use to stitch two videos together. I could make a lot of stereo videos, even all of them stereo, if I had the software to put them together, and now with the digital recorder use a separate audio stream. Currently I'm using windows movie maker to create my videos and amazed it hasn't crashed yet.
I've been 3d printing a doll I'd waited years to print and today got it painted and assembled only to realize there's yet 2 more pieces to print. I could see there was something wrong and wondered if something was missing but for some reason didn't notice her thighs weren't there! LOL To be fair, her buttocks are half thigh and the knee joint is pretty big too. So I've set one to print and when the next two parts are done, I'll paint them and untie the doll's legs and replace the cord with longer cords, and tie it all together. This doll isn't easy to build but it isn't that complicated either. It's just ... hmmm., slow, concentrated, and painstaking.
Chemo made me nasty sensitive to cold. I wasn't even able to play fetch with the husky till today and that was enough to show me I'm not ready to walk her today. tomorrow I'll play fetch again and if I can, walk the dog finally. It's supposed to warm right up over the weekend so that's huge. I also need to go for groceries. I've only got one slice of bread left, for instance. Can't have bread with jam, honey, and apple butter on just one slice. Mostly I'd say this week was kinda sucky. Low energy, cold intolerance, stuck at home. I spent it knitting and printing this doll and watching videos. I got a little housework done each day but not much else.
I'm so bummed this doll isn't done, she's so intriguing and now I'm looking at sunday before she's finished.
Ok, well, I honestly don't feel a need to dish this much. It's good.
I hate it. I'm usually a pretty calm person actually but not when he gets going. The bird can scream like a maniac for an hour and I can hold my wits but that man just mentions one of the trigger subjects, then refuses to stop when asked, making excuses for why it's so important to force me to know this information. It sets me off. I'd love to not be set off but he knows when to drop these nuggets too. Like when I'm doing something that requires concentration or is not going well. It's not really fair to test my temper that way, is it? So I've decided to punish him every time he does it with my silence for the evening. He starts, I'll jam on headphones and that's it for the evening, he doesn't exist. Let's see if he can learn the equal skill of avoiding triggering me for the reward of someone to talk to. If he can't, fuck him. Let him fuck off. I can so totally wave sayonara to this marriage. Being provoked on a daily basis is not my idea of fun at all. Just because he's extremely devious about it doesn't make it not happening. So, if I find myself yelling at him, I won't speak to him again that day. Not one fucking word. Could take a few months to sink in but I think it might work. Absence of reward is the best punishment you can use to train someone. If he goes without me yelling at him, then he's got the pleasure of my company. If he can't, he loses it. Should sink in at some point. Maybe by spring. I think it's easier for me to do that than to try and have the patience of a saint against the devious machinations of a narcissist. I mean, I'm not Robin Williams by any stretch but I think I'm interesting to talk to and can be quite funny and fun. Just he's wasting me on dopamine hits from drama. If by acting an hour later like it's all over and getting me to comply with that pretense he gets all that personality, then he's got nothing to lose, right? I on the other hand have my peace of mind to lose. It's got to be as important to him as it is to me or he'll never stop stealing it for his own emotional tickle.
So in other news. I figured out a bit more about video making and I'm rather pleased about it. I can see the results of my work are still rankly amatuer and rather terrible, really. I'll look back in ten years and laugh and shake my head but admit I knew well how bad it was, I just didn't know why. But that being said, I'm rather proud of the recent improvements. It also encourages me that this is something I might actually get better at, because I just did, one little step closer.
Along the same lines, I have worked out that my old olympus TG cameras are excellent choices for vlogging. I bought two matching cameras years ago to try and get into stereographic video. Sadly the simple app that stitched them together has vanished. I haven't tried yet, but don't know what to use to stitch two videos together. I could make a lot of stereo videos, even all of them stereo, if I had the software to put them together, and now with the digital recorder use a separate audio stream. Currently I'm using windows movie maker to create my videos and amazed it hasn't crashed yet.
I've been 3d printing a doll I'd waited years to print and today got it painted and assembled only to realize there's yet 2 more pieces to print. I could see there was something wrong and wondered if something was missing but for some reason didn't notice her thighs weren't there! LOL To be fair, her buttocks are half thigh and the knee joint is pretty big too. So I've set one to print and when the next two parts are done, I'll paint them and untie the doll's legs and replace the cord with longer cords, and tie it all together. This doll isn't easy to build but it isn't that complicated either. It's just ... hmmm., slow, concentrated, and painstaking.
Chemo made me nasty sensitive to cold. I wasn't even able to play fetch with the husky till today and that was enough to show me I'm not ready to walk her today. tomorrow I'll play fetch again and if I can, walk the dog finally. It's supposed to warm right up over the weekend so that's huge. I also need to go for groceries. I've only got one slice of bread left, for instance. Can't have bread with jam, honey, and apple butter on just one slice. Mostly I'd say this week was kinda sucky. Low energy, cold intolerance, stuck at home. I spent it knitting and printing this doll and watching videos. I got a little housework done each day but not much else.
I'm so bummed this doll isn't done, she's so intriguing and now I'm looking at sunday before she's finished.
Ok, well, I honestly don't feel a need to dish this much. It's good.