Bullies begone, I will not play on

I guess this belongs here. About a month, maybe two ago, heck, perhaps last christmas? I forget, but this big blue wall took over my mountainn view and Anthony moved into the spot in front of me. Big blue class C RV, rebuilt with plywood, screws and caulking and tape, coated with paint to hide it all.

Looks good at first.

Well anyway, he started with little BS like implying I was saying something wrong, or that my bus was dirty.

Now, context. Anthony is almost as short as me, maybe 2 inches higher. He is bald as a cue ball. He has the tits and belly of a pregnant woman and skin as dark as my xolo in summer. So he's got a lot of compensating to do, I guess? Well he's also clearly intensely misogynistic and has been gender shaming or mis gendering me from the beginning.  

Enter the next attempt to cow me into submission or fear, shouting abuse at me if I run my bus after 9pm. Well I used to run it always after 10pm because this was a place nobody who hates idling buses would sleep. Until you came and parked here. Huh.

Lies about having a job in the morning or going to bed early, too. Calls me female slurs to my face.

Last night he began the threats of violence. This mornining he doubled down on them. He came RIGHT up into my face. I wondered if I was spitting in his mouth, glad he wasn't spitting. I wondered as he ranted and I ranted back, was he smart enough to take his only opportunity to smack me one? Because this was the time, the moment, the only chance. So close I can't adequately see or dodge a fast slap. Nope, it wasn't. I wondered if he'd drive my glasses into my face or knock off my hat. Would I block or dodge? But no. He actually wound up driven right back into his rv in his seat, listening to what I had come to say. But not after twice being nose to nose threatening to assault me, using profanity and slurs. I told I didn't care what he thinks of me, he just needs to start looking for his new parking spot now, because we are done. I will be using my engine when i please and that's that. He was all "we'll see who wins." i responded it wasn't a game and I wasn't playing and there was nothing to win. Just he might as well accept that he is moving. I did not stoop to insults, though as I mentioned, there are plenty, and more cuts i didnt' describe, like his awful "fashion design" which is so hideous I struggle to frame it in succinct words. It's like, take the weakest acrylic knit jersey and slam a bunch of nylon zippers into the broadest parts of the fabric. Leave slightly open. Fabric underneath is a different color. Now your tit protrudes out one gap, your belly out another, and the whole thing sags like a defeated old woman.

yeah, and well, I just don't.

See, I'm realizing, I don't have to. I have enough power in myself to just stand strong. Stand up to them, don't back down, and yet do not go on the offensive. Resist insult. Resist the emotional stress. Which caused a seizure in the little dog. Literally went into a panic seizure a little while later when one more thing freaked her out too much.

It's for them I can't keep engaging in shouting matches but for my own character I shall not. It's fun, sure, but it's also bad, like sugary cereals. It demeans my character, feeds my ego, gives me grandiose ideas, and denigrates the opponent. Let's face it, it's punching down, every time. Like a heavyweight champ swatting a flea, and it's harder on them than on me. I am mature enough to show compassion on that level. I know damn well how quickly I could leave him hunched and muttering in rage. But screw it. I will actually earn his respect by being me. Not enough to be shown it, but enough to stop the violence. it's always done that. I show no fear and I do not back down until I make myself clear and I ask nothing more than my due and stand on it to the bitter end. It's always easier to move on when I dig in.

I'm practicing accordion again. Thanks Anthony, for making it important again. I really want to learn, but needed the extra little bit of motivation to get through the ugly stages. Schadenfreude is a lovely word.

The stronger you are, the harder they climb. I think I feel an itch. I shall scratch it. 

Every night, if he comes out and yells, I add 30min delay to when I run the bus. I begin playing accordion outside my bus on the sidewalk. Practicing, I should say. I'm not even able to play scales yet. I'm just at the point of learning the motions and placements of the keys. it sounds truly awful.

Dan is oblivious, remember, he even admitted it. He doesn't hear the noises. That man has attention forcefields.

Also, he would rather stand against an outsider than me, so for now, he won't be a PITA at me. It's his heirarchy of victims, LOL But Tony is not going to hit me. I don't think he has the smarts to do something effective. I don't think he has the community respect to sic others on me. I know he has squat for money, no job, few friends, and he's clearly a weak, lazy, sloppy woman hating man. he's been riding racism like a pony, using it to push people around because white people are vulnerable to that just like we could also turn and go full racist in response. And we do not, not here in Canada, not often. So he's pretty safe with that ploy. Except your character is always the thing that matters in the long run. Eventually, they get tired of the BS.  

I think, OTOH, that I am earning respect at the theatre. I need to find a similar venue to put energy into. Like the jazz club, but afternoon work, LOL. I mean, eventually I want to go out some evenings, but not when my whole world is in a vehicle on the street. It just feels too insecure to be away late, or potentially overnight if I can't get back to the seabus or something. I dunno, would I walk through stanley park and risk mugging? hmmm.

I don't always just blindly go into dangerous places. I don't ever go blind. I always know, and have asessed the current risk level. I do not do high risk things as I have assessed them. My asessement is my own and may not reflect majority opinions.

So yeah, we are probably going to experience some shouting tonight. I think one way to dodge it is let the dogs out the back door until asshole moves. they don't need that shit and that was his trigger to come out yelling. He doesn't come out and yell at the bus, he wants me outside. Let him walk ALL the way to the other end of my space, that far from his own domain. Leave your power base 45ft behind you. Then watch me quietly push you all the way back.

No really, he won't hit me and I won't let him in my face again because I don't need his germs and we did that game. I will block with something, I guess. I will carry a folding fan, that's hilarious because it's got pink sequins on it. It's an effective facial block when it unfolds with a ruffle noise and at speeds faster than the eye, but it is absolutely not a weapon.

I stopped short at egging him on because I really do not need to be assaulted. I just refuse to back down to a tyrant, as usual. heck, I quit the job when someone does that shit. I ran away from home to get away from it. Out into the big bad cold cruel world, 17yr old girl child, small and feisty. 

Refusing to be overpowered is a core part of me. Right back to refusing tyrannical teachers in grade school.

Eventually you discover that I refuse to be cowed or terrorized and rebel horribly, becoming steadily more irritating. I may as well be a mosquito in the dark.  

Ok, time to make supper, then more accordion practice this evening. Yesssss.