the end is nigh

 I was doing yoga under the bus to hang a cage full of wool, and hugging the drive shaft and exhaust pipe when I said "Hi, bus, are we having fun yet?"  Wait a beat, move my arm, suddenly a shower of rust dusts my face.  "Ahh," I said, "Now we're having fun, eh?"

I have utterly failed to get a rack in spite of my efforts.  I quickly realized I couldn't possibly get them welded up right by myself and Dan found someone willing, but who has not been able to make the time to actually get it done. So it's nearly time to leave and I have no racks and no sign of them.  If they arrive later, I don't know where to install them.  and I'll be tripping over my junk until them.

I have booked a campsite for a month so I can stick around another month and have a safe place to park and plug in. I cannot sell my car, so have to either find a way to bring it, or store it.  Oh I could take a pittance for her, but I really think she's worth keeping if I can't get enough to buy tires for the bus. 

Which is another concern, I don't know how to pay for tires. I don't know what to do about the bum exhaust either. Both exhaust pipe and muffler are lacey with holes and it's well beyond my knowlege. 

I have got a bunch of my stuf suspended, the wool, a ladder, the generator and some fuel cans, propane and firewood.  the blinds, the water barrel and odds and ends are all now stored underneath using sometimes sketchy solutions. Well, one is truly sketchy, the others are just unorthodox. I'm still going to try and improve it.

I haven't yet received notices from anyone but the light and water, they want paid by monday.  I don't have the campsite till the following sunday so here's hoping it takes them two weeks to act on it. Seems likely? Or at least one week?

My emotions are quite all over the place lately with this. I grieve my sweet appliances, the filtered water, the chandelier, the newly redone bathroom and new tub, the central vac. I will never live quite this well again in those terms. But I won't miss the mold, the chewed up grime in cracks kitchen cupboards, the rotten windowsills and tilted sidewalk, nor the yardwork all year. I was not going to be able to keep the house up on my income after all.  How can I manage with $20 non-fixed expenses? Well anyway, I opened a different account that can receive deposits and notified the department, so I am hoping my disability income flows again. That will give me someting to work with, as long as I don't pay any housing costs! Seriously, this place worked out to 670/mth and I still couldn't afford it!!!

Now I'm saddled with putting up with Mr. again, but the difference of having two vehicles and him realizing how deeply I really mean it when I say I can't stand him, he's minding his manners better and, unfortunately, I am not. But I'm afraid to try to do better because he's always rudest when I'm polite with him!

My stress levels,  Oh Em Gee.  So insane. How am I managing? Well, livestreams to fall asleep to helps, although I wake up after 4 or 5 hours and have trouble finishing the night. I've dived into cooking and baking, which in face I'm supposed to be working on the soup...  dumbass me.  gone to get the soup worked on before I need to feed the dogs.

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