how I learned to quit

I was a disabled child with an invisible disability. Nonetheless I was certainly brought into the support system quite young, at age 8.  Every time I had difficulty with something one or both of my parents would become exasperated and quit on me, leaving me to sort it out myself and then laying shame on me for not doing so. that's how I learned a "can't do" attitude.  When I thought of things I might like to try, they'd vet my choices against some strange preconceived notions of what I should or shouldn't do, not against my proclivities and inabilities, and they'd tell me I can't. countless times I approached people with the dilemma of figuring out what to be when I graduated school and got "you can't" from them.  Then out in the world, still not prepared for adulthood, still not "being something" and people kept telling me my problem was that I had a "can't" attitude and gave up too early.  Still, nobody ever tried to teach me how to persevere, nor help me with the difficulties, nor even say things that actually encourage, like "it's okay to fail, and it's okay to try again after failing just as it's okay to try something different." Maybe talk through why I failed, what steps I missed, help me figure otu how I can make up for my inabilities.  I never had that. I always had "you know what you should" advice that left everything in my incapable hands, from kindergarten.  Hell yeah i'm pissed about it.  Enraged, fifty years of it.

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