Why I think I'm my own best doctor
With the vlog, and being back on facebook, I use this a lot less. But I'm growing tired of getting reactions. When you want sympathy you get advice, and vice versa.
I'm my own doctor. See, I have read a million times how foolish that is. But nobody else knows my body better and nobody else has gone this journey with me. A doc who'd known me since childhood could vie for it, but that's it. Now ordinarily you'd not be your own doctor because you can't read the medspeak. You don't remember chemical and pharmaceutical names and the terminology is alien and the anatomy well out of your scope. I did very well in biology. I did a lot of secondary study on my own as well. I learned a LOT. Those "general biology" classes are stuffed with a lot of stuff, and when you are an avid reader plowing through entire encyclopedias and using journal libraries you get educated. I got far enough to understand what I'm reading. I didn't get a formal education so my knowledge is more like lace than fabric, but it's not hard to fill in the holes when I run into them, the foundation is strong. So my interest is naturally going to have focussed on my own health. In that I continue to avidly research anything pertaining to myself and my needs in the medical world, and I continue to have a keen interest in medical innovations. I'm not a doctor, but I am a healer. I don't get to practice my skills much because it looks too controlling and too much like doctoring in spots and well, I'm not connected enough to be welcome there. But I know a lot of herbology and what works. I know food and nutrition and what works. When it comes to the biology of the mammal I'm pretty skilled. I still can't believe I actually caught cancer, but I really do think I understand how and what did it. A combination of stress, poverty, and sweeping up perlite on a nightly basis. Sure perlite is supposed to give lung cancer, not bowel, but a carcinogen is a carcinogen and it can travel. In my case, the bowel was the part stressed by too poor nutrition, the poverty part, and too much stress, again poverty and the job I was working. It was a very strenuous decade for me, and lonely too. I haven't felt good in general for twenty five years. Just about when my community broke up and moved on. Some stayed and had kids. Some moved to the woods. Others to the big city. I just couldn't keep up. Too disabled for the able, too able for the disabled, I was left scrambling ineffectively and it took it's toll on my body.
So I'll also update you on life events, because someone must read this or the voice is unheard. If the voice is unheard, then it matters not what is added or forgotten or if the writing even happened. So when I write, even without an audience, I write to the reader, whoever that is. Once I've written and read along, the voice will go dormant until it is read.
So I started taking testosterone shots last november. It won't create extreme changes nor quickly, but gradually, over much time, I'll read as male more quickly than as female, or at least force people to read my fashion choices to choose my gender in their head. I should see small changes by spring, and changes others can notice by fall. It won't be much different from menopause for some time and I've seen post menopausal women who really look more mannish, even down to the voice. or maybe they're trans women finally coming out because they can. LOL Interesting thought.
I never really thought of myself as part of a group this way. It's an odd accidental group of misfits and malcontents with a dose of madness on the side. Even the gentlest of us are a little challenged in our emotions and emotional regulation. A little crazy. Being told constantly how to change yourself to conform to what your body looks like can do that to you I figure.
Well December is typically shitty in some ways and not in others. It's been really warm for this month and I am glad of that. I could handle winters that hover around zero most of the time. It's a little dirty out but doesn't hurt to go out. The dog needs 1k-2k in dental work. It looks like we can manage it but it means my car's maintenance and my glasses and dental wait even longer. That's frustrating. I wasn't able to do my annual birthday/christmas shopping because my fave vendor no longer ships by courier. Only usps, which includes canada post, who were on strike. They weren't willing to sort out any alternatives either. I'm sorry ThinkGeek, that just wasn't very sporting of you and I won't buy from you ever again. Just like that. I'll get by elsehow. You're a foreigner anyway.
For me, this means a little less cheer. I'm also still waiting for that day I can walk into a shop and pick up a bag of candy to stay high all day on the QT without killing my lungs, ruining my breath, or stinking up my clothes. Likewise vape concentrates for the same reason. In short, Christmas season isn't here for me.
I am making up some pickled eggs and chicken broth in jars for a couple poor friends. I'll pick up some bags of oranges to go with them and that'll be welcome gifts. Both friends don't need another ounce of stuff however charming, and both struggle with buying food. giving them home made pickled eggs and broth is not terribly expensive, about $10 or $20 I guess with the eggs, the jars, and the oranges. But it's got a lot of personal in it, unlike a grocery store cash card.
Well that's it. I'm here. I'm queer. I'd rather be somewhere or someone else.
I'm my own doctor. See, I have read a million times how foolish that is. But nobody else knows my body better and nobody else has gone this journey with me. A doc who'd known me since childhood could vie for it, but that's it. Now ordinarily you'd not be your own doctor because you can't read the medspeak. You don't remember chemical and pharmaceutical names and the terminology is alien and the anatomy well out of your scope. I did very well in biology. I did a lot of secondary study on my own as well. I learned a LOT. Those "general biology" classes are stuffed with a lot of stuff, and when you are an avid reader plowing through entire encyclopedias and using journal libraries you get educated. I got far enough to understand what I'm reading. I didn't get a formal education so my knowledge is more like lace than fabric, but it's not hard to fill in the holes when I run into them, the foundation is strong. So my interest is naturally going to have focussed on my own health. In that I continue to avidly research anything pertaining to myself and my needs in the medical world, and I continue to have a keen interest in medical innovations. I'm not a doctor, but I am a healer. I don't get to practice my skills much because it looks too controlling and too much like doctoring in spots and well, I'm not connected enough to be welcome there. But I know a lot of herbology and what works. I know food and nutrition and what works. When it comes to the biology of the mammal I'm pretty skilled. I still can't believe I actually caught cancer, but I really do think I understand how and what did it. A combination of stress, poverty, and sweeping up perlite on a nightly basis. Sure perlite is supposed to give lung cancer, not bowel, but a carcinogen is a carcinogen and it can travel. In my case, the bowel was the part stressed by too poor nutrition, the poverty part, and too much stress, again poverty and the job I was working. It was a very strenuous decade for me, and lonely too. I haven't felt good in general for twenty five years. Just about when my community broke up and moved on. Some stayed and had kids. Some moved to the woods. Others to the big city. I just couldn't keep up. Too disabled for the able, too able for the disabled, I was left scrambling ineffectively and it took it's toll on my body.
So I'll also update you on life events, because someone must read this or the voice is unheard. If the voice is unheard, then it matters not what is added or forgotten or if the writing even happened. So when I write, even without an audience, I write to the reader, whoever that is. Once I've written and read along, the voice will go dormant until it is read.
So I started taking testosterone shots last november. It won't create extreme changes nor quickly, but gradually, over much time, I'll read as male more quickly than as female, or at least force people to read my fashion choices to choose my gender in their head. I should see small changes by spring, and changes others can notice by fall. It won't be much different from menopause for some time and I've seen post menopausal women who really look more mannish, even down to the voice. or maybe they're trans women finally coming out because they can. LOL Interesting thought.
I never really thought of myself as part of a group this way. It's an odd accidental group of misfits and malcontents with a dose of madness on the side. Even the gentlest of us are a little challenged in our emotions and emotional regulation. A little crazy. Being told constantly how to change yourself to conform to what your body looks like can do that to you I figure.
Well December is typically shitty in some ways and not in others. It's been really warm for this month and I am glad of that. I could handle winters that hover around zero most of the time. It's a little dirty out but doesn't hurt to go out. The dog needs 1k-2k in dental work. It looks like we can manage it but it means my car's maintenance and my glasses and dental wait even longer. That's frustrating. I wasn't able to do my annual birthday/christmas shopping because my fave vendor no longer ships by courier. Only usps, which includes canada post, who were on strike. They weren't willing to sort out any alternatives either. I'm sorry ThinkGeek, that just wasn't very sporting of you and I won't buy from you ever again. Just like that. I'll get by elsehow. You're a foreigner anyway.
For me, this means a little less cheer. I'm also still waiting for that day I can walk into a shop and pick up a bag of candy to stay high all day on the QT without killing my lungs, ruining my breath, or stinking up my clothes. Likewise vape concentrates for the same reason. In short, Christmas season isn't here for me.
I am making up some pickled eggs and chicken broth in jars for a couple poor friends. I'll pick up some bags of oranges to go with them and that'll be welcome gifts. Both friends don't need another ounce of stuff however charming, and both struggle with buying food. giving them home made pickled eggs and broth is not terribly expensive, about $10 or $20 I guess with the eggs, the jars, and the oranges. But it's got a lot of personal in it, unlike a grocery store cash card.
Well that's it. I'm here. I'm queer. I'd rather be somewhere or someone else.