fasting again

It's going to be hard and I may fail, but I'm going to try and fast again, indefinitely.  I can't get irrigation to work and I can't live with this colostomy if it's going to keep spitting poo at only the worst possible times. It robs me of sleep, distracts when I'm driving on the freeway and spoils my meals.
What have I been doing since the last post?  Well I've been working on the bus periodically. I have long stretches when I can't get anything done because I can't figure out how or because other tasks interfere like buying groceries or cleaning the house. it's come along a bit but I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now. I may get the bus done. I might power through not knowing how to do the electricals or not knowing how to build the storage. Maybe I'll miraculously make the smart car ramp and door. but I won't get it out of the yard I'm sure. Ok, well maybe I'll manage to dig up the fence and drive out and maybe block the hole back up myself.  Sure, ok, lets pretend I can fill the tank and drive off into the sunset. Probably wind up broken down and starving. but all that is irrelevant because if I quit eating I'll get too weak to do any of that and I must quit eating to stop the poo from falling out of my belly all the time.  I'm hoping that at some point I'll be skinny enough that someone takes me to the doctor and they have an answer for this that they otherwise couldn't be bothered to offer because it was too expensive or something.    My stoma is aching from my attempt to force water in there.  Fucking thing.  I hate it so bad. Well anywya, fuck it, the whole activity update is not what I want to do in this blog and it's not important.  This is not a istor of my worthless life.  Thi si snot a captivating memoir.  It's a colostomy bag for my moods.  Just a place to collect shit.

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