Yes I'm still around

Sorry to let this lapse so long!  We've had the bus in our back yard 2 weeks and at first things moved FAST but then it slowed right down. Between weather issues and my own body being weak and miserable, I haven't been able to do much myself.
My hands tingle when I use them or when they get cold.  My feet tingle when I use them or when they get cold.  Because of all this pain I hunch too much and my back aches.  When I sit still to relieve myself of the pain, I get super stiff and moving becomes blindingly painful.  All this keeps me tired.  I'm working on remembering posture.  I'm putting on gloves more often and choosing foot wear with some cushion to it.  I'm smoking hash to help keep the discomfort from the forefront of my mind.  I work on things that take long slow quiet work instead of hard elbow grease.  Like weaving the blanket I'm working on:

Or the hooked fringe I'm putting on Timmy's alpaca knitted fashion suit:

I'll be trimming it down so it is poofier and less frilly.  But I still have almost half the collar and two rear cuffs to do.  I hope there's enough of this yarn, I'm going to economize a bit in the middle and I can choose something else to fill it in a bit.

The bus has had the seats stripped.  Not much else is done but little bits of this and that are started.  Dan's been peeling off panels around the back where we have to make it into a giant door.  I got screws out of the windows we're going to wall over.  Dan's been troubleshooting the mechanics. I've been selling landscaping bits, cleaned the roof, sanded the nose.  I've been giving away the seats.  Just five more to go.  We've found good deals and bought: RV stove, 2500w generator, Mr. Heater Big buddy with dual propane bottles, and the wood stove I got last summer. Oh, and I picked up a vent and a fan vent for the roof, and got a great deal on a shiny new stainless steel bbq for RVs.  I've also sold off some of the yard landscaping, helping to finance these bus things.  I can't find a good deal or local purchase of the solar system parts we want.  So that's waiting yet.

Meantime of course the house continues to need care and feeding, LOL.  Floors get dirty, dishes pile up, and animals need maintenance.  We almost killed a finch just being careless about the seed supply.  If you're not a bird owner you wouldn't know, they drop the shells right on top of the seeds. Eventually there's a thick layer of shells, which float to the top.  The bird may even quit digging for seeds, but primarily it fools the   human eye and looks like "plenty left."  Now I'm saavy to this, but Dan's been doing the morning pet chores most of the time and when I've done it, I've been sleepy, rushed, and in pain.  So we weren't on the ball and I brought the cage down to see a bird laying still on its back in the bottom.  

He wasn't dead.  When I picked him up he started gasping for breath.  I held him, wondering what to do.  I didn't know he was starving, I figured it was cancer or such because of his extreme age! I contemplated ways to quickly end his life.  I couldn't, I just couldn't do that.  I've done it in the past and each time it's more emotionally painful and finally impossible. 

So I contemplated ways to administer palliative care.  Warmth, ok, hot pack in a wool tube is handy.  I use them to warm my fingers at my desk.  Put the bird where my fingers go, he's warm.  I left him like that and got on with the day.  Came back later and offered him water on the end of a q tip. I figured he must be awful thirsty and he was sitting upright and breathing better.  He was still squinty-eyed and limp, but better, not dead! I rubbed water on his beak and left him alone.  

When I returned he was better enough that I got a hospital cage to put over him so he wouldn't wriggle out. I switched to rubbing coconut water on his beak since it looked like he was recovering and I switched to healing care.  

By evening he was ready to return to his cage and I'd discovered the seed issue.  The poor things.  His brother was somehow able to go on a day longer I guess.  Dan was so horrified he'll now remember to check too.  We both will.

The funny thing is, i don't want to keep these two birds. I was pleased they were reaching the end of their lifespan and I'm now disappointed they aren't!  but I keep the covenant and provide for them.  I wish I could say I provide well but the preceding tale shows the lie of that!  I intend to do the best I can, that I can say honestly. 

The dogs are doing alright.  I don't walk Pyper anymore and that's a damn shame over which I feel bad.  But not bad enough to stir myself! I think about it every couple of hours but I don't do it.

The flowering trees in my yard are doing their thing.  It smells amazing and looks wonderful but I havne't picked any to bring in.  So many army worms on them. The two choke cherry trees are both half chewed off by the damn things.  I even went out with my kitchen mini torch and incinerated groupings of them. I hate them that much.  Squishing them was just so gross and torching them is just as fast.

I've been irrigating my colonostomy. I skipped it today, too much lassitude to bother, and I woke up late.  The irrigation is difficult to achieve. The water tends to drain out of the bag only when it's squirting out the sides instead of into my belly.  Oh, irrigation, it's like an enema using stuff made for doing it on a stoma.  it's only for folks with most of their guts left.  You need a descending colon.  If you do it daily for a couple of months your innards get trained and stop doing things at other times.  Even in the short term it makes everything cleaner.  It really helps cope with constipation or difficult output textures.  It helps the appliance last longer even though poking the cone and spewing water is causing new problems with adhesion.  but then it's clean and empty till the next day and until the thing is loose enough to spew water on you, it's not that important if it's not a perfect seal.  Before I started this, there was output any time of the day or night, usually just the right texture to stick to the top of the bag and put pressure between bag and stoma.  I swear it's like the thing is trying to get the bag off. If I get a very trustworthy system in a few months I could even switch to putting a bandaid on it when I'm done irrigating and really save money.  Plus it would be easier to ignore when I'm not dealing with it.  I could see taping a plastic dome device shaped to fit me and printed on the 3d printer.  Eventually.  Reuseable, protects from impact, compact, and cheap.  I'm still wondering how to work irrigating when I'm living in the bus.  A big jug with a small opening and opaque walls would be useful for the process.  I'm still not sure where or how I'll empty that jug every day or every three days (the goal is to go output free for 72 hours.)  Another issue is that while it's only a litre going in me, there's probably up to two gallons used to wash it down.  I need maybe to get used to the dirt in between, but maybe instead of pouring I could use a pumped up spray bottle and kind of pressure wash the drain bag and area during the process.  

I've been depressed, and other times normal. Not much ecstatic, but not serious.  I think it's from being tired and in pain.  It increases my anxiety which is the root of depression and negativity. 

I decided at the start of the month also to just follow my own efforts and plans and bloody ignore the CRA and their pressure tactics to force me to try harder to pay them off. It's just not possible to dialog with those people.  It's like jumping on a race track going round and round and there's no checkered flag.  The stress was too much too.  so they can mail their crap and ring that phone and I've learned, not much else. When we get our bus together and sell the house we'll be in a much better position to give them some money.  What's more, if the real estate goes up, the debt gets more eroded with the sale.  The more we pay on our debts, the less is left over after the house is sold.  I did calculate how much it costs monthly to live here.  Bloody cheap. IOW, dumping the house won't cut our costs that much.  I get so frustrated trying to figure out where our money is going. We live on nothing.  it's like it's doing drips and drops here and there cumulatively.  Internet is too expensive, coupled with our cell phones that is the biggest expenditure going and I would like to cut it.  But less internet speed isn't that much cheaper unless you pay for "annoying and well near useless" connection speeds. We already don't pay for TV.  

Well, when I think on stuff like that I get anxiety but not solutions.  Tell you what would help, me getting healthy enough to work for money! 

I've been documenting the bus work and have two videos up so far, the first two weeks.  I have pretty much given up expectation to earn any money via youtube. I just don't see myuself as having the skills or talent or whatever to create enough quality to stand out.  that's me, though, if I have to stand out from the crowd by chasing excellence, focus, drive, ambition, etc., forget it, I don't want it.  I don't like to compete. Again, depressing myself. I think i'll quit and wash the dishes and start working on the rusty RV stove we got yesterday.