I feel like an ass again

I went to a birthday party at a bar last night.  Talking away, realizing I'm talking too much, trying hard to get it right. The person I'm talking to comments that I dominate the conversation and it's not really that fun for her to talk to me while I do that.  Then she went out for a smoke and I sat and tried to stem the flow of tears and the urge to flee.  When she returned I think I did better but I still felt immense self loathing.  It's why I don't have enough friends, after all.   I just can't help it. I try so hard but keep failing.
I got work done in the yard yesterday, moved kayaks and rocks and things.  It's getting closer to ready for the bus.  I found a generator at a pawn shop for $400.  I was relieved to learn I'd bought a good one as I was going purely on instinct when I bought it. My instincts said it was good, and there wasn't time before closeup to do any proper research. I was worried if I didn't jump on it the opportunity would be lost.  It was in the window and something like that just doesn't last.  Didn't sleep worth crap last night, just kept having hot flashes, so I'm underslept and going to nap all morning in a bit.
that's why this is so short. I'm beat.
But okay, so we have the bus, a wood stove, and a generator.  Plus of course all the crap we already own.  Oh and I found a plastic livestock waterer that's the smallest possible size for me to use as a bath.  I also dug up my weed sprayer that has never had chemicals in it, and it'll make a fine shower device.  Ok bye.

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