shouldn't be put on facebook
"Be who you needed when you were younger" I've always tried to do this and remarkably, parents have kept their children away from me. Not because I am unkind, abusive, cruel, or well, that other abuse. Nope. Because I tell the truth. Far as I can tell. Parents take the shaping of their offspring's mind awfully seriously. They don't want their kids to now the truth until it's impossible to hide it. From santa claus to alternate lifestyles to sociopolitics, medicine and personal rights, kids are deliberately kept from knowing.
Well since I'm on the blog now, I'll sketch out the last few weeks. I've kept the dog from spending time alone with Dan over a short time. I figure about a half an hour or so is fine, but by the hour I'll go collect her. She's gotten in the habit of being "my" dog by this anyway and asks to come back out to me. I'm living in a bus in the yard to keep away from the primary source of stress in my life, mr Anxiety. I keep wondering if he's got alzheimers but frankly he was like this when we met too. It's mild alcohol induced dementia if anything, coupled with a lousy personality and anxiety disorder. plus of course PTSD triggers from an abused childhood. It puts the question there too, do I really need to dump him to find happiness, or can I find some fine line in between where he doesn't feel abandoned and I don't feel trapped? He doesn't need a caregiver as much as he needs the idea of one. He really actually doesn't seem to like company. Within minutes of interacting he's aggravating me. Then I leave. You'd think he'd try harder to be mannerly if he was lonely, right? I think loneliness isn't always the longing for company for some folks. For some, it's a concept. if you are single, you are lonely. Because being single is a mark of shame in our society. Not because companionship is wanted. He really doesn't seem to want other living things around. I expect a nice server bot would suit him well if it was good at triggering conversation. His mom does that. I wonder what he brain is doing while she's humming and yessing and uhuhing in response to his monologues? He's on the phone with her weekly. it's going to be ugly when she dies. It would be kinder of life to take him first, although she'd be left bereft of the money he sends her. If I got the life insurance payout maybe I could help her out with some of it. I'd have to pay down our debts first. Then who knows what's left? A mortgage free house and a fresh start is about all I can anticipate right now. So then I sell the property or live in it or build it up and rent it. Definitely not in rentable condition. Unless it's someone who's handy and doing the work instead of rent.
Well since I'm on the blog now, I'll sketch out the last few weeks. I've kept the dog from spending time alone with Dan over a short time. I figure about a half an hour or so is fine, but by the hour I'll go collect her. She's gotten in the habit of being "my" dog by this anyway and asks to come back out to me. I'm living in a bus in the yard to keep away from the primary source of stress in my life, mr Anxiety. I keep wondering if he's got alzheimers but frankly he was like this when we met too. It's mild alcohol induced dementia if anything, coupled with a lousy personality and anxiety disorder. plus of course PTSD triggers from an abused childhood. It puts the question there too, do I really need to dump him to find happiness, or can I find some fine line in between where he doesn't feel abandoned and I don't feel trapped? He doesn't need a caregiver as much as he needs the idea of one. He really actually doesn't seem to like company. Within minutes of interacting he's aggravating me. Then I leave. You'd think he'd try harder to be mannerly if he was lonely, right? I think loneliness isn't always the longing for company for some folks. For some, it's a concept. if you are single, you are lonely. Because being single is a mark of shame in our society. Not because companionship is wanted. He really doesn't seem to want other living things around. I expect a nice server bot would suit him well if it was good at triggering conversation. His mom does that. I wonder what he brain is doing while she's humming and yessing and uhuhing in response to his monologues? He's on the phone with her weekly. it's going to be ugly when she dies. It would be kinder of life to take him first, although she'd be left bereft of the money he sends her. If I got the life insurance payout maybe I could help her out with some of it. I'd have to pay down our debts first. Then who knows what's left? A mortgage free house and a fresh start is about all I can anticipate right now. So then I sell the property or live in it or build it up and rent it. Definitely not in rentable condition. Unless it's someone who's handy and doing the work instead of rent.